SOCIAL MEDIA'S DANGEROUS WATERS

As mentioned in SOCIAL MEDIA SCANDALS of this study, Facebook is an online community that brings people together. It unites old friends with ease, but it also unites strangers through common interests. Through Facebook, we build communities that the physical world cannot accomplish without great financial cost.

With the advantage of this ease, we must be wary of the strangers with whom we connect. The epidemic of online predators is a growing epidemic. If we don't protect ourselves, it can be very easy to be swept up in the whirlpool of lies and drama that surround the Catfishing world.

Dr. Phil has exposed this world with dozens of episodes where he strains to bring Catfish victims into reality. The one thing I've always wondered about these victims is why they fail to see reason and refuse to comprehend the obvious facts of their situations. Many of these victims are intelligent professionals. Why do they allow themselves to be scammed? Thousands of their hard-earned dollars disappears forever and their ability to trust left in shambles. How does this happen?

In an attempt to better understand this phenomenon, I connected with a Nigerian scammed by the name of "Donald Anthony." During my interactions, I took note of obvious red flags, questioned his claims, and encouraged as much evidence as he could provide. They are three intense days I will never get back. The Nigerian child with whom I interacted was extremely demanding. I urge you now, take note of this experiment. Use them to protect yourself.

1. Day old profiles:
Catfish switch profiles as often as we change our socks. The profile in question will be new with few friends, fewer photos, and no activity. These fictional people don't have lives to update. Therefore, there will be no real updates. They won't attend concern or go on vacation or make a comment about their latest date. My Catfish was so reckless to list his real location in Nigeria, Africa even though he claimed to live in the United States and working in the Mediterranean. It was listed clear as day at the bottom of the profile.

2. Cryptic messages:
Their messages come out of nowhere. They begin with a casual "Hello, dear." This is another screening process. Cautious women don't respond. Often, I would also block the profiles. If the woman responds, then prove to be eager for interaction or attention. If the woman does NOT respond, then the Catfish moves along to another profile.

3. Terrible Grammar:
Nigerian scammers have a limited understanding of English grammar because English is a complex language with an abundant vocabulary. They mask their limitations with their use of IM. Grammar is hardly an issue on texts and IMs. At the same time, it is yet another screening tactic. A woman who overlooks their erroneous grammar make easier targets. They don't ask questions and they don't fact check. My Catfish claimed to hold a Master's Degree in Engineering. Yet, he writes at an elementary level. It was incredibly obvious and painful for my editorial eyes to witness. No person with a higher education should be allowed to use such terrible grammar.

The very start of our conversation is not on record. He reached out to me on a busy day. I had errands to run with my husband. We had a short conversation before I left the house. I even told the Catfish that I would be away from keyboard for several hours to run errands, and he claimed it would be fine.

By the time I returned home, I had acquired several messages from him: "Are you there?", "Why aren't you responding?", "Heeelllooo" etc. So, so needy. I tried to respond by reminding him I was busy. He didn't respond, because he'd already moved onto his next victim. So, I shrugged my shoulders, marked it down as an educational experience, reported the account as fraudulent, and moved on with my life comforted in the knowledge that I kept a gullible person out of a scammer's reach for a few hours.

Looking back, I wish it had been that simple. A week later, he was back with a new account and a different first name. I guess he figured I was too stupid to notice, but I did.

The exchange moving forward was mentally exhausting. He demanded my constant attention, occasionally snapping at me if my attention turned away from him for a few minutes. For a supposed hard-working engineer he certainly had a lot of free time on his hands. Unlike him, I do have a job that requires my attention. Despite my many explanations why he could be the center of my attention and his claim to understand the importance of work, he simply couldn't resist his Catfish programming: emotional blackmail and manipulation. Prepared for their tactics, I refused to cave and bit back. I question everything he said, I defended my work ethic, and I threatened on many occasions to tell people about him. In the midst of my work duties and this exchange, I also secretly took snapshots of the thread.

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The provided slideshow details many of their methods and lies. Above all, it proves how ruthless they can be. My catfish rubbed love and faith in my face so often, I wanted to condemn him to hell on many occasions. I stopped myself for the sake of the ruse. Many things about the catfish scheme offend me to the core: the lies, the theft, stolen valor, and the monumental waste of my time. However, the thing that bothers me the most is their twisted, corrupted definition of love. What they provide is NOT love. Their victims who are mostly widows and divorcees must know that to some degree. They experienced love already. They ought to know better.

Deep down, I think they do. The payoff they receive from these scammers is not love and not security. Instead, these women receive easy attention and serious drama. It becomes addictive. I would compare my experience to a real-life soap opera. Instead of watching it on television, the drama is readily available on our computers and phones. However, the cost is far too great.

Here is a list of the major red flags:
1. Reckless use of faith-based terminology : "sheep without a shepherd", "miracle", "have faith".
2. Isolation : He insisted we move from Facebook to Google Hangout. He also begged me to keep the "relationship" a secret.
3. Emotional extortion : He couldn't lose me. He couldn't be left alone. We can’t be together unless I send money.
4. Selfish behavior : His answers to my question were limited. He never elaborated. Other times, he completely ignored my questions, statements, and requests. The conversation always circled back to HIS struggles and HIS needs. He wasn't interested in my happiness at all.
5. Hasty explanations : He glossed over obvious red flags including an eighteen-year age difference, long distance relationships, secrets, and the myth of love at first sight.
6. I NEED MONEY : I tested his resolve by threatening to quit my day job. He didn't like that at all. Despite his promises to take care of me, reality dictates that I support him. If I quit my job, then he would not be able collect.

His "desperate situation" came out of nowhere as soon as he was finished conditioning me with the nauseating declarations of love and speeches about faith. His exposed his real intentions. All he wanted from me was my money. That is where I drew the line. I would not send him a dime. From the comfort of home, I strung him along with a story of how I was driving all over creation looking for a way to send him money. I wasn't. Instead, I was working on a review, watching YouTube videos, and resting my aching body after a long day of work. What a sucker.

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This is what we should do with our time. A life free of Catfish drama is a happy, simple life. Our money is ours. Our time is ours. Our love is reserved for men capable of loving us back. This is what life ought to be.

In conclusion, I urge you my friends stay informed and question everything during your time on the internet. Set your profiles to PRIVATE. Never accept a friend request from strangers. Guard your bank. More importantly, guard your heart. What these monsters claim to offer simply doesn't exist. Their stories are lies, their hearts are void of compassion, their grammar is offensive, and their only job is to rob you. They steal your money and your precious time. Life is short. Don't waist it on the never ending drama of the internet. If drama is what you want, television and YouTube will give you a far cheaper fix.